Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
