no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
