and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize
