If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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