I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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