I smell stomach acid.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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