woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
