woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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