I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
