Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
