He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
