looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When did angry sex become our thing?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize