Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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