hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
