i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
