they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
