Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
