All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
