Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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