So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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