It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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