I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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