wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
