And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
