i wish my penis had a tongue
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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