you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
