Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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