she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
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I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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