Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
