Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I need a burrito and a hug.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
