SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
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