wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
this beer tastes like vomit already
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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