so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
