and i looked up. we had an audience...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
