I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
