I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
