I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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