i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
