dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
