you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
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