i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
