forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
