put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
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Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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