Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
