toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My dick has a subreddit
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
