Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
