i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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