New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
