I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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