I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
