im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize