Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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