: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize