My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
