This is not my ceiling
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
