oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
