I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
