Porn is love you can see.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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