Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
