You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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