ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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