I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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