WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have feelings that need drinking.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
