Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
