32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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